.png)
I used to roll with the intellectual hustlers
And now I run with the wolves
I used to (think) my way through things
And now I leave a trail of blood
From the beating heart I hold.
I believed, for all my life, that my illusory, aloof facade
Was my greatest asset to show
That nothing could stop the smooth and powerful girl
Who peered down her poised nose
No
For the reckoning hour did finally come,
Snarling, ravenous on my doorstep
Soul trembling with the despair of losing all semblance of what I thought was within control
Disassembled, dissolving, coming apart at every seam
Engulfed by the dark veil of unknown, grasping in darkness, falling in darkness, swirling infinitely inward
Surrendering
Being composted into new iterations of being
Emerging
Softer in this unfamiliar form
Delicate and enraptured, dripping in the fluids of amniotic reclamation
My reflection is utterly different now
She, looking back at me, has an undulating warmth in her eyes
She’s flushed with the pleasure of being alive
She’s taut with the anticipation of love in every breath
She’s the one whose lived in places of banishment for devastatingly long
She’s home again.
Here, in me.